Heart Attacks Are Not Funny, But...

Hey my beautiful Shambhalan Royal Reader!

I received an email about heart attacks in the inbox today, and I thought I'd share it with you. If you've ever died from a heart attack, you know it is not a laughing matter. 
 

BUT this email, although informative, is quite funny and a bit 'stalkerish'. I repeat.  Heart attacks are not funny (See Heart Attack Dragon I drew below).
  

Nor are the ways to stop them.  But the way this person has decided to convey the information, that is funny.

I have included my lucid thoughts as I was reading this in blue for your entertainment.

(Note: While reading this you may also learn something that might save your life in the process, and I hope that not only does this entertain, but draws your attention to the information in the forward and helps somebody out there.)

 
Valuable Information

Valuable Information. Yep, you know it is valuable information when they write "Valuable Information" up the top. So, clarification there for those who did not initially see the value in the email. Let's read on.

(Please send this to 10 friends. It could stop you from getting a heart attack.)

I'm not sure on the logic there. Sending this to my friends could stop ME from getting a heart attack? This is a new preventative measure I have not until now heard of, but it gets me thinking right at the start. Could this procedure of forwarding emails help other illnesses out there? Food for thought.

And why so specific? Why 10 friends, not 11 or 9 friends? Perhaps I should quieten my inquisitive mind and just read on...

Let's say it's 6.15pm and you're going home (alone of course), after an unusually hard day on the job.
It's 6.15pm? That is awfully specific again. Give or take seconds I'm presuming...

"and you're going home (alone of course)" What are you trying to say ... 'alone of course'? I don't have any friends? Then how am I going to send this to 10 friends?...

"after an unusually hard day on the job." This is getting VERY specific. After an unusually hard day on the job? Why was it unusually hard? Did I have chest pains? Was my left arm not working like it should, and was it in pain? Are you a psychic?
 
You're really tired, upset and frustrated.
I've got no friends, had an unusually hard day at work, my left arm is in pain... what do you expect?

Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to drag out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home.
How do you know where I live? How do you know all this information? How do... wait a second, I thought I was going home. So if I'm about five miles from home right now, and the hospital is five miles from home, I could be the luckiest man on the planet right now!

Unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far.
Probably can though, if I'm on my way home from work like you said.

You have been trained in CPR (seriously, this is sounding very specific, how do you know all this?), but the guy that taught the course (what did he look like?) did not tell you how to perform it on yourself.

No, that's right, he didn't. He only taught me to do it on a plastic doll called 'Annie' who didn't have any arms or legs... so unless I am saving a plastic doll named 'Annie' who doesn't have any arms or legs, the training may not reflect the real life circumstance

 

HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE

Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help (presumably because they have no friends?),the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.
Which unless they live near the hospital and are on their way home like I will be (apparently), then they'll be in trouble. So live near a hospital, people. That's what this is all about. What it is trying to say! Maaaaaasssssage comprehendo?

However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest.

A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.

Lesson of the day: coughing cures heart attacks. Remember it. (Note: that is not a joke, but a community announcement.)

Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital.
Which should be only 5 miles away if you followed the previous advice. Step 1: Live near hospital. Check. Step 2: Deep breaths and coughing. Check.

Tell as many other people as possible about this. It could save their lives!!
Wait a second, I thought it was just 10? First you say I'll be coming home alone 'of course', then you estimate my network of friends, family and acquaintances to be 10 or under? I know at least 11 - maybe 12 - people I'll let you know!

A cardiologist According to Google cardiologist are not Hallmark scientists like you may rightly think but doctors specialising in heart conditions ... I know, who would've thought?! says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can bet that we'll save at least one life.

What?! "A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can bet that we'll save at least one life."

This quoted but unnamed cardiologist is massively - even grossly - underestimating the impact the email would have if his massively - grossly - overestimation of the amount of people would send it on was correct.

Now, I'm not an expert on the 6 degrees of separation theory - and clearly the cardiologist isn't either, but if everyone who received this email sent the email to 10 people who had not yet received it, surely the message would eventually reach a fair chunk of the entire global population (that has access to the Internet and that have friends who also have access to the Internet).

That would be at least 1 billion people, right?

Now if his prediction was correct that everyone would partake in this forwarding of email, surely more than just 1 in 1,000,000,000 people would have a heart attack and benefit from the advice?

And if it did only save one life, that is a LOT of compliance expected for a comparably minor outcome...

Don't get me wrong, a life is important, and saving one is fantastic. But perhaps if they sent out a "do not shoot anyone anymore" message, it could have a bigger impact.

Mind you, I would have thought there would be more than 1 in 1,000,000,000 people who would have a heart attack? But I guess a cardiologist would know better than me?

Dr. Google says that 1.2 million people have heart attacks a year in the US... but perhaps these people do not have Internet access or friends or the ability to take deep breaths and cough?

Rather than sending jokes please... No jokes, people. Listen to the man. Not "The Man". I'd never condone that. But the cardiologist, or the person writing this email. Contribute by forwarding this mail which can save a person's life... If this message comes around to you more than once... please don't get irritated.

Instead write a blog article about it.  An article that is both funny and informative.

You need to be happy that you are being reminded of how to tackle... Heart attacks... AGAIN.

And by being a 'smart arse' about this blog, I hope I have not just made you laugh. Even though laughter is the best medicine. I hope I have also helped spread this message so you can save yourself, as well as a plastic doll named 'Annie'.

P.S. Do not shoot anyone anymore.  Thought I'd add that while I'm being socially responsible.